home sweet apartment...

i'm here... i made it...

yea!!! i'll write more when i have the time...

but it's late and i'm sleepy...

what AM i gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside my trunk?

there is much to write... the hour is late... the words will go unwritten...

except to say...

i'm alive... the drive was long and is not over yet... and the title of the post explains it all...

days that seem to last forever and goodbyes that are over in the blink of an eye...

i don't have much time or energy to write... it's late and i need to get sleep before i start the journey - in just 8 hours...

the days have been lasting forever... i feel like the last few days have lasted a month... and yet, as i say goodbye to each person that i won't see for many months, if ever, the moment is gone before i have a chance to realize it...

i've cried many tears... saying goodbye is hard... there are many emotions that i'm feeling right now... this is the hardest move i've ever had... no exceptions...

christmas was great... the christmas part, anyway... i was back and forth to my apartment a few times today... and i turned in the keys this evening and drove away... erin, who has been my lifesaver this week (and next week), asked me if i needed a moment as i was leaving #33 for the last time... she was getting a little emotional/sad... and i told her...

when you've moved as many times as me, it's not about the buildings but the people and relationships... i won't miss the apartment, i'll miss my friends and northwest family...

my heart is sad tonight... there's excitement about the journey ahead, but mostly i feel anxiety and sadness... and that's something most of the people waiting for me at the other end won't really "get" - i don't know if anyone really does... and i feel like a jerk when i am not excited... it's going to be a rough few weeks...

but for now, i need sleep or else tomorrow will be horrible!!!

a few things i forgot...

*i got some new ringtones for my phone... so now, if you call, it rings cyndi lauper's good enough, which makes me happy... i also got switch by will smith... when i change it to that, i might not answer my phone anymore because i'll be dancing... so if you call, and i don't answer, call again and let my dance party continue!

*this one is not one i take lightly...

while i was sitting in the crazy traffic, i got a phone call from one of my old youth girls... i can assure you that i've done the worst job at keeping in touch with all of them... it was one of those things that when they all graduated and went to college, they grew up so much... and i didn't keep up with most of them then, and now, i'd have no idea where most of them are...

jessica is one that i actually keep up with on a fairly regular basis... we talk once every six to nine months... we usually talk about her boyfriend (i can't remember if they're engaged yet, but they're planning on getting married next summer, i think)... and about my lack of settling down...

so i'm sitting in traffic, and my phone rings... "good enough... for me... good enough... it's good, good enough for me... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." and i look down and see that it's her... and i was really excited to be getting a random fun phone call while sitting in insane traffic...

hello?

and i hear it... there's sadness mixed with a tear-filled voice... robyn??

what's wrong? what happened?

lydia was killed in a car accident friday night.

lydia's mom and i taught their sunday school class together... she was the one, who by appearances, was the least drama of all of them... those girls got in fights a lot... they had grown up together and seen each other through a lot of good times and a lot of bad times... the trouble is, they would remember the wrongs suffered too often... that's the way it is with teenage girls... sometimes knowing each other well opens itself up to being more of ammunition and less of compassion and understanding...

but lydia always seemed above it... she knew what was going on, but she never got too involved... she was a great kid... smart, athletic, and the peacemaker... that's what i always saw, anyway...

i honestly had no idea what she's been up to in life... i'm thinking she might have been driving home after her finals...

and i have no words... the funeral is thursday... there's absolutely no way that i can get there for the funeral... so sad...

random sunday night post...

i am sitting here watching national lampoon's christmas vacation as i felt the need to give a little update about what's going on... (i was inspired by amy's post and it's been a while)

*i leave the northwest in about a week... next monday morning... but the good news is, i don't have to drive alone... my mom, who is amazing, is paying for a friend of mine to fly back after riding with me to tennessee...

*i can't get my cd drive on my laptop to work... it ticks me off that i couldn't get a new computer while i'm still here because of the dumb towing incident... my laptop definitely needs to be replaced... it works, but i don't know how much longer it's going to hold out... i am not replacing the cd/dvd drive - i've already had to replace the hard drive... i need to change subjects...

*i talked to a friend today and told her about the furniture i needed to get rid of... her brother is moving and needs all of it... i am officially done trying to get rid of furniture, which is amazing!!!

*i went to a great thai restaurant for lunch today with friends... i've wanted to eat there for about a year and a half, if not longer than that... it was good... then, afterward, we went shopping... by the time we got to the shop, it was snowing... the big flakes... we shopped for 10 minutes, went outside and took a picture... and then, rather than going home (which i should have done), i went to go have coffee and look at books at powell's books... we were there for a while... and then we went to walk around in the snow... because it was fun... i left to go home about 3:45... it usually takes me about 15-20 minutes to get home... today it took me two hours - combination of slick roads and holiday shopping traffic... but it snowed today!!!

*the weather is kind of crazy... some freezing rain... there's a tiny possibility i won't have to work tomorrow... i'm trying not to hope/wish too hard... i would love an extra day of the weekend, even though i have so much to do at work this week...

*i haven't really started packing... this week is going to be the craziest week ever

*i got a ton of christmas shopping done... all i have left is part of mom's, erin and alyssa...

i'll post pictures of the snow from today soon... they're fun pictures!!! it was really beautiful!

i can't think of anything else right off the top of my head tonight... and i need to proof the paper and clean a little bit, in case i do have to work tomorrow... and then i'm getting some sleep!!!

so it turns out, i'm more of an every-other-week-kind-of-girl...

i don't want to make excuses... i don't have trivia done for today... partially because of life being crazy and partially because i don't feel like it... but i have a few announcements and a possibility for points...

i will continue posting movie trivia on thursdays as much as possible...

i am also starting a new competition and depending on the way it goes, it may, in the future, replace regular movie trivia days... (i am stealing the idea from a friend of a friend, because i thought it would be a fun new thing for us to try...)

here's how it will work... starting january 2, (giving me time to work up some trivia, move across the country and have a day to settle) i will post one question a day. It will be related to movies, tv, pop culture... but probably mostly movies... i haven't completely decided what the theme will be, so i'm leaving it open for now...

in order to answer the question, participants must email me the answer (not leaving it as a comment). each person who emails me the correct answer on the day the question is posted will receive one point. (or whatever point value i assign)... yes, you heard right, every person can get the points if they answer correctly... it's not only who gets it first... but you only get one guess... so, if your answer is wrong or you don't answer it the same day it's posted, no points for the day...

let me recap the rules:
1) a question will be posted
2) anyone wishing to answer the question must email the answer to me the same day
3) anyone answering correctly on the same day will receive points
4) only one guess per person per question

but i haven't gotten to the best part yet...

at the end of january (31st), whoever has the most points will win the competition...

what will they win, bob? A NEW CAR!!! ...not really

but, the winner will receive a $10 gift card to the store of their choice.

any questions?

now... today's opportunity for points... anyone answering will receive points as long as they put an answer that is valid... list your top 5 movies of 2005... in order of preference for you... they have to have been released (in the theater sometime in 2005)... each complete answer will be worth 2500 points (you have to list 5 to get the full 2500 points)...

friends don't let friends go to bad christmas parties...

Sometimes I wonder if people actually think about what they say before it comes out of their mouths. Many times I say things without thinking about the consequences and sometimes it comes back to haunt me…

But this entry isn’t about an oops moment that I had… trust me, I’ve had my fair share… but this time it’s about something else...

Tonight we had our staff Christmas party… it was a low-key Christmas thing… get there, eat, play a game or two, sing Christmas songs and hear a devotional… and they usually do presentations that need to be done at the time…

So usually, when someone is leaving the convention, the staff (exec. dir.) will present them with something, say something nice about the person leaving and open it up for others to say something… I am leaving soon, but didn’t know whether to expect anything because I’ve just been working for the convention for a year...

Right before we started singing, my “big boss” called me and another lady up to the front. She retired from working with the seminary and today was her last day. He had us both stand at the front and he said he wanted to talk about me first… so he goes on to say that he jokes around with me at the office… the truth of the matter is, he usually “jokes” around and it just gets on my nerves… he’ll come past my office and turn off the lights or try to sneak my food away from in front of me when I’m reading the newspaper at lunch… but from time to time he will say that I need to find a husband…

I never find that “joke” funny… I don’t know if I’m too uptight about the single issue, but it’s just not something that seems funny to me… maybe because it’s not something I can really “do” or maybe because I really wanted to be married for a long time (until a few months ago)… and besides, it’s not really funny… I laugh at things that are funny… I don’t laugh at that joke…

So, tonight, after he says that we joke around with each other, he said, “I usually say she needs to find a husband…” and then says, “When you go to Nashville, keep walking with God and find a husband. I know God will provide not only a man, but a Godly man.” and I guess that should be comforting or encouraging, but instead it just stung… I assure you that no one has ever heard me say that I’m moving to Nashville to find a husband or that I’m expecting to find a husband in Nashville – because I’m not and I don’t. To be honest, it’s about the last thing on my mind… but I stood there, in front of all my coworkers and their spouses and listened to him not talk about my work qualities or character qualities, but my marital state… and it made me feel small… not size small… but inadequate small… and that isn’t a good feeling to me…

I hate that people can make me feel that way, but many times, people do…

I pretty much cried off and on throughout all the singing and through part of the devotional… and immediately following the party, someone came up and asked if it bothered me that he said that, and the tears started flowing again… we stood and talked about it for a while… she encouraged me to say something to him, but I’m not sure I’ll take that advice…

Then, my supervisor (my boss, but not my “big boss”) comes over, puts his arm around my neck, and says (so that no one else can hear), “I know it’s not mine to say, but I’m sorry…” which makes me cry harder than any of the rest of it… I don’t know why that hit so hard, but it did… maybe because it was in such contrast to the earlier statements… or the manner of it was…

And then, the kicker of it all… someone else said something about me finding a husband in Nashville right before I left… and I said, “you know, I am not really looking for a husband…” and she replied with, “well, that’s when God will give you one.” And if you know anything about me, it was all I could do to stand there and not say anything… (because I HATE that fallacy!) and she went on to talk about how amazed she was at women who could be involved in ministry and be single – but it didn’t really sound like a positive statement… it definitely sounded condescending… but I could be wrong… it was just definitely rubbing the wrong way…

So I made some comment about how much life I had to live, and all the places I had to go and not wanting some man tagging along… because that would be mildly acceptable to her and it would also get her off my back about finding “the one.”

I thought parties were supposed to be fun.

this weekend i came up to seattle to work on a story for the paper. I also have another story that i'm working to put the end on today. both are due tomorrow... neither of them are (close to being) done... but i'm quasi-taking the day off...

i've slept a lot this weekend which has proven to be the best thing... emily had to work saturday night when i got here and i ended up watching tv and taking a nap... then last night, she had to go to midnight breakfast for the campus ministry she works with. she left at 9:00 or so... i watched some tv and then fell asleep... she got back about 1:00 when i woke up... then we talked for a bit and i went back to sleep until about 10:00 this morning... out of control... and yet, wonderful at the same time...

other than being impressed with my own sleeping schedule, it has been a good weekend, but different than what i expected... and, yet, typical of my seattle trips... i always want to "do" a lot of stuff... go to emp, go to the market, go on a ferry to some place... and it usually ends up not being so much about what i've done but who i've gotten to hang out with...

i treasure the time spent with friends... even though emily and i haven't gotten to hang out much this weekend (we are today for a few hours until i have to get back), the time spent will be fun... i got to hang out with an old friend from seminary... and that was enjoyable... sometimes deep conversation, sometimes surface-y... but good...

it's been wonderful to get rest... if i had stayed at home this weekend, i probably wouldn't have done much, but it wouldn't have been as restful as being here... as weird as that sounds...

at this point i'm just rambling, but i'm heading back home tonight and i have a dinner with friends from church... it's sort of like their farewell dinner for me... and today pretty much starts the craziness that is the last two weeks before moving across the country...

m-t-s-thursday movie trivia... one of these things is not like the other...

sing it with me...

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

movie trivia today is figuring out which thing is not like the others. If you can identify the one thing (actor/movie) that is not like the other, you'll get 500 points. If you can identify the reason it's not like the others, you'll get an additional 500 points. A couple of them may have opportunities for additional points as well... same rules apply... no cheating... any unguessed or mis-guessed answers/points go to me!! i've given clues because evidently it's too hard to get into my head... but right now, i feel like i've over-compensated... and maybe next week's will be better...

Just a word of caution - all the questions/answers have to do with actors/characters/movies - not the plots or necessarily similarities in the lists... for instance... #9 is not that they're all sports movies and #6 is not that they're all comedians... (not that all of them are necessarily comedians - but you get the point...) it's more specific than general...

1. if you can identify the link between what is alike/not alike, you will get an additional 500 points on this question, 1500 points to chris
Pete Mitchell
Ethan Hunt
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher - not a character played by tom cruise - played by chris klein who was also engaged to katie holmes
Ron Kovic

2. 1000 points available: (clue: leading men for someone), 1000 points to andrea
Russell Crowe
Heath Ledger - not a leading man to renee zellweger
Tom Cruise
Ewan McGregor

3. 1000 points available: (clue: actress) - 1000 points to chris
The Village
Adaptation
The Wedding Date - judy greer was not in this movie - but in the wedding planner
What Women Want

4. if you can identify the link between what is alike/not alike, you will get an additional 500 points on this question, 1500 points available: (clue: they are character names and i changed the first one, even though that character name - Linus Caldwell - was used in two movies...) 1000 points to chris... the "missing link" is that both of the actors that play the characters dated minnie driver... but i'm not giving any points to myself for it...
Wilhelm Grimm - played by Matt Damon, not John Cusack
Martin Blank
Lane Meyer
Eddie Thomas

5. if you can identify the link between what is alike/not alike, you will get an additional 500 points on this question, 1500 points available: (Jeremy Iron's dad was a tax consultant...) (i can not think of a clue that won't give it away... they're (the ones that are alike) all in a movie together and my favorite quote from it is... "Whoa! Ugly!") , 1000 points to chirs, the "missing link" is that jeremy irons plays aramis (same character as charlie sheen) in the man in the iron mask... but, again, the points go to no one... it's just useless information...
Charlie Sheen
Kiefer Sutherland
Oliver Platt
Jeremy Irons - not in the three musketeers

6. 1000 points available: (they have all been on broadway) the clue for the answer is: disney, 1000 points go to andrea
Matthew Broderick
Nathan Lane
Robin Williams - was a voice in Aladdin, not Lion King
Whoopi Goldberg

7. there are two possibilities for this question... a total of 3000 points are available: (jack black is in every one) - 2000 points go to amy, 1000 points go to andrea
Bob Roberts - joan cusack wasn't in it
High Fidelity
School of Rock - john cusack wasn't in it... neither was tim robbins...
Cradle will Rock

8. 1000 points - amy
Jennifer Garner
Kate Bosworth - not a nurse in Pearl Harbor
Kate Beckinsale
Jaime King

9. 1000 points available: (clue: actress) (Neither Like Mike nor Raising Helen are disney) , 1000 points to Chris
Raising Helen
Remember the Titans
Like Mike - Hayden Panettiere was not in this movie
Ice Princess

10. 1000 points - chris
Sean Connery - doesn't play jack ryan in a tom clancy film
Harrison Ford
Alec Baldwin
Ben Affleck

now, let's finish the song...

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!

all i want for christmas is...

i am bored at work this afternoon and thought it might be fun to make up some christmas wish lists... one is of things i want for christmas... the other is a list of things i don't want for christmas... it's sort of like when someone asks for the movie good will hunting (starring ben affleck) and receives gigli (also starring ben affleck)... and they end up becoming the victim of someone's good intentions... so here are the lists...

10 things i want for christmas...

1. an ipod
2. a new computer
3. sanity
4. a gift certificate to subway that never runs out
5. long hair
6. post-it notes (post-it brand)
7. some new clothes (a pair of jeans, a jacket, maybe some shirts)
8. guitar
9. gilmore girls seasons 3-5
10. the books love in the time of cholera or postsecret

******************************************

10 things i hope i don't get for christmas

1. an am/fm radio
2. a word processor (but ironically enough, i would love an old typewriter)
3. insanity
4. a gift certificate to jack in the box that never runs out
5. those creepy white-girl extensions
6. off-brand post-it notes that don't stick
7. anything with fur or a razorback on it
8. ukulele
9. seasons 3-5 of the powerpuff girls or girls behaving badly
10. cholera or the book the secret service of the post office department

community...

my head is filled with thoughts... my cool friend erin got a call from lifeway today... she'll be on the jenness park team... she's wanted to work cfuge for years... she's incredibly excited... she came over tonight and we actually went to work out and then she wanted to know all about camp...

as i shared things with her about camp, i was reminded of so many memories... some very pleasant, some not-so-pleasant... but i was more reminded of significant people in my life... significant ministry experiences... and then some people i had almost forgotten about...

moving on...

i am currently working on two stories for the paper this month... with my already hectic work schedule and trying to pack up the pieces of my life for my upcoming move, it's going to be a busy month... i'm sure the stress will set in soon and the emotional breakdowns will follow... hopefully i'm wrong... luckily i get to go to seattle this weekend - i'll be working on a story, but i'll get to take a couple of days to just be... and i love seattle... it will be my last chance to be there for a while... honestly, i have no idea when i'll get to go to seattle again...

i'm straying from the point... the last few hours, i've been bombarded with ideas of community... the main story i'm working about is singles' ministry in the nw (and the lack of)... a big chunk of it will be 1st person - i've decided to write it that way so that it won't be so accusatory... more of a real-life example... and a big chunk of it will deal with community... i really honestly believe that i would have made it in the nw a lot longer if i had community... i have quasi-community and imitation community on some levels... but i haven't found the intimacy that comes with community... i have a few really good friends, but i need groups of people - even small groups... and so far, i haven't really found what i'm looking for... seminary was really close, but it was different with us only going to school 2 days a week and everyone living in different places...

i hate it when i get tired... my thoughts start making less sense than they would normally...

and a random side note... i realized on sunday that everyone in my immediate family is single... which is weird... i don't know anyone else who can say that... grandma, mom, dad, sister, brother... and in my extended family, there are only 3 people married of the 11 represented on my mom's side... it just seems weird... but at the same time, we represent this large demographic of people... i mean, singles are not only post-college-not-married-yets... the term also includes those who have been single for a long time (lifers), divorcees, and widows/widowers... and it spreads through all different types of people - all kinds of economic and geographic differences... political opinions, races, ages, gender... there is nothing that defines a single person aside from the fact that they aren't immediately in a marital relationship...

and right now, in sbc life in the nw, there is not really anything going on to reach them, specifically...

i'll move away from the fact that it is heartbreaking... and move to something else for a while... it might actually be as heartbreaking, if not more so...

right now i'm stuck on the irritation i have that politics enter religious life too much... i can see how political issues and the mishandling of them by many believers have squelched community... a few days ago i was overwhelmed by the gospel... it's hard for me to even hear one of my students talk about how frustrated she is that a club working to educate other students on homosexuality is trying to get started in her school...

i want to scream... "you've missed it..." jesus christ came to earth, took on my sin; died in my place, rose from the dead and offers eternal life... and it breaks His heart more that one doesn't know Him as Lord than the fact that they have a different sexual orientation from the cultural norm. Yes, I do believe homosexuality is wrong/a sin for believers... but the point is not that they are gay, but that they don't know the love of the Lord.

i'm exhausted and craving junk food... i'll go to bed and solve both problems... i'm sure this post doesn't make sense, but i have a lot of stuff floating around in my head and wanted to get it out on paper. i haven't started writing either story and i have to have one done on friday before i leave town... aaggghhh!!!

i am john daker...

you have to watch this video... the link is to a page with a bunch of videos, actually... they're all kind of painful... but the best one is the one called "The Original John Daker with Unsicker Introduction"

please... please... please watch it... the whole thing... really... the others are optional, but could provide some entertainment... some are long... but really... seriously... john daker... totally worth it!!!

my deepest apologies...

i realize that today is thursday... (for another hour)

i realize that i didn't post movie trivia today...

rather than trying to post it now (i'm tired) or tomorrow or this weekend, i think i'll just try to make next week's the best movie trivia ever or at least better than it has been lately...

i have 15 days left at work... i have 25 days (or so) left in the northwest... my apartment is getting bare as i'm starting to get rid of stuff... it looks sad... part of me feels the way my apartment looks... empty and sad... i know moving is the right thing to do, but it's still hard... there are a lot of things i'll miss about the northwest... a lot of people... i have some rough weeks ahead...